Weird Day

So, as you can infer from the title, today was weird. Last night around 1 AM, the boy Andrew I was telling you about yesterday told me he really liked me and that he just wanted to kiss me and run his fingers through my hair. Although, at the same time, he told me he didn't want to mess things up between us so no dating yet. I'm really confused. I texted him a little today, but we didn't talk and we didn't hang out like we planned to. I'm at what they call an impasse I would say. I'm just trying to keep things going between us, but we'll have to see if he makes a move. I'm definitely not making out with anybody until we're dating. You gotta wine and dine me, buddy. Advice please.
-Audge ._.

Bad Day

So, today sucked. Basically, in my entire life, I've never had a boyfriend. I know. It's sad and pathetic. But recently, I found a really nice, really fantastic guy that I actually thought I had the chance with. Let's just call him Andrew. That's not his real name, but I need a name to use. So Andrew is one of the few people who actually walk home. Fortunately, so do I. I didn't know him for a while, but one day, his walking buddy didn't show up to walk with him, so he approached me instead. I happened to be blasting some rather intense Coldplay. I have no idea how on this strange planet I heard him over the blasting music, but I did. I didn't even know he knew my name. I didn't know what to think about him at first, but we started talking more and more and I started to like him with every moment I spend talking to him. Eventually, I made the first move and friended him on Facebook as a friendly gesture. We messaged a couple of times, but it got to the point where I thought I was bothering him and I didn't want to push him away, so I stopped talking to him on Facebook for a little bit and talked to him more in person. We talked and talked about useless and silly things like favorite television shows and Disney movies. For a long time, we didn't talk because I had Driver's Ed and I had to stay after school every day for almost three weeks. I was eager to see him or talk to him again. I saw him at my church the weekend after I realized I liked him and he told me he had just started attending. I was really excited that I got to see him outside of school since I didn't yet have the strength to give him my number or ask for his. Eventually, I gathered the strength to give him my number on Facebook after about a week of not messaging him at all. He texted me almost immediately and I got super excited probably a little too fast. I told one of my best friends (let's call her Lilly) that I liked a guy and when I pointed him out, she realized that she knew him through one of her other friends. We came to an agreement that if I hooked her up with the guy she liked, one of my best friends as well, that she would hook me up with Andrew. I talked and talked to Lilly's crush and, eventually, I got them together. They're about to celebrate their two week anniversary and I'm very happy for her. I started to get a little impatient with Lilly because I started to have very strong feelings for Andrew. If I had a class up in the labs at the front of campus, I would run to the back of campus just to catch up with him and be near him, even if we didn't talk at all. Whenever his walking buddy was present, he never really talked to me unless I approached him. As Andrew and I texted more and more, I offered to give him a ride to church every week in return for him teaching me German. I didn't want to learn German that badly, but I really wanted to hang out with him. As we tried to schedule a date to hang out, he realized that he was busy all week this week and we decided to wait until next week. I asked him about Saturday, but he didn't reply. Today, I decided to try to be a little more open. I told him he could trust me, which wasn't a lie. I'm very loyal. He asked if he could ask me a question. I started to freak out and my heart began to pound. I thought he was going to ask me out. He eventually replied asking for advice on how to tell a girl he liked her. I thought, "Okay, it could still be me, but don't get your hopes up." Unfortunately, I did set my hopes a little too high. I didn't mean to. I was just so excited. I began to give him advice saying to just tell her. I was waiting for him to reply with an "I like you." but, instead, he replied with a simple, "Thanks! I see her tomorrow morning, thanks again for the advice!" I felt my heart shatter into a billion pieces for what felt like the thousandth time. A sob lurched into my throat and I started to cry a little. I know I was being extremely overdramatic, but I really thought I had a chance with a guy I really had started to bond with. Of course, I was wrong, as usual. I continued to text him. He told me her name and some other details. I then texted Lilly in tears, telling her everything. She recognized the name immediately, which just made me cry harder because they were better friends than we were most likely. And the worst part is only a few days ago, I started to talk with him about how antisocial we both were. He told me he was very picky about choosing the people he spoke to and I said that I was lucky that he chose me to approach and, word for word, he said, "Not luck. I saw you, made my deductions, and I thought there's a good chance she is special in some great way. I could see it in your stride and eyes. You're a special one, Audrey. Don't ever forget that." My heart swelled because nobody has ever spoken to me like that before. And I was so confused and he said, "Well I mean it. You're special, really you are! You're kind, beautiful, brilliant, quirky, and a fantastic person to be around." I just can't believe that such words were just his friendly feelings towards me and nothing more. It breaks my heart rereading our texts and crushing my heart over and over again. I just can't deal with this anymore. I would say I'm taking a break from guys, but I have to see him over and over again until school is over. And tomorrow, he's going to ask the perfect girl to be his girlfriend and I have to sit here and talk with him about it while crying myself to sleep. This is most likely, the worst day of my life. I just don't want to deal with being a freak and an unwanted piece of crap anymore. I promise this isn't a suicide note. I just wanted to vent because nobody else cares.
-Audge </3